• Tajuana TJ Butler-Jackson

Feeling Sexy

Updated: Nov 6, 2018

My niece was super excited about her upcoming college homecoming weekend. This would be her last homecoming as an undergraduate. So one day while we were chatting on the phone, she said, “I want to send you a picture of the outfit I’m gonna have made.” Then she hesitated, “Naw, I’m not gonna send it to you.


“Send it,” I said. “I wanna see it.”


A quick moment later it was in the inbox of my text messages. I tapped on her name and in front of my very face was a model in what looked to me like overdone lingerie. My mouth dropped at the sight of this lace body suite that seemed to show skin from her neck to her feet. And as if that wasn’t enough, the neckline was split down to a button that held the top together, exposing her stomach. I was left speechless.


“So what do you think?” she asked me.


“You wanna wear that?” is all I could manage to say.


“Yea, that’s how all the girls dress for parties now.”


“It's cute. But, it looks like lingerie.”


“No it doesn’t,” she said. “I don’t know anybody who wears lingerie like that.”


“Yea, that’s because they’re wearing it to the parties now,” I replied.


Maybe I’ve gotten old, maybe I’m old fashion, but I was outdone with what I saw. Keeping in mind I had been off face book for nearly 10 years; maybe I'm out of the loop. I asked her one more question, “So, are the girls still twerking at the parties.


“Of course,” she said.


“So let me get this straight, girls wear lingerie out to the club and twerk on the guys they dance with, while wearing lingerie. Sounds like a strip club to me.”


“No it doesn’t,” she replied. “They take their clothes off at the strip club.”


I told my niece, “I remember my mother used to say, “Don’t give a man milk if he doesn’t buy the cow. It seems like you girls are giving them the milk, the cow, the beef. Why would they ever decide to buy?” At the rate we’re going, pretty soon, there will not even be a need for a strip club.


I’ve displayed some of the other pictures that she sent me to help me get a better feel for what the current party girl is wearing.




What has happened to womankind that we have set aside the natural beauty of our femininity for the very garments that were meant to be worn only after our inner beauty has at least been realized, affirmed, and respected by the men in our lives. Is it just me, or have the young ladies taken the idea of “sexy” too far? It calls to question, does a girl who goes out like this have high self-esteem or do they lack self-esteem? On the surface it would seem that someone would have to be highly confident to put on such a display. However, to be self-assured means having confidence in one's own abilities or character. Leading with bodily assets, confirms that confidence in one's character is lacking.


Sadly, we are so far out of touch with who we really are. We are spirits who reside in bodies. When we overtly flaunting our sexuality to gain attention, we put more weight on flesh than on our essence. And, if I'm honest I have fallen into this same trap in the past. I understand wanting to be sexy. What woman doesn't want to be "seen" at some point or another. It is human nature. When I was younger and touring with my book, I came up with a look for how I dressed, I called it “sexy-professional.” I made sure one piece of my ensemble was "sexy," the cut of my blouse or jacket, cute skirt, nice high, flattering heels. I recall wearing a catsuit to a college party, but the catsuit was a turtleneck and had long sleeves; there was no skin shown. Nonetheless, I'm sure my elders would have frowned their noses. I still wear short skirts every now and then. I understand the need of a woman to want to feel sexy at any age. I get it. Even today I want to feel sexy not just for my husband, but for myself. But at what point have we taken it too far. When does sexy cross the line to public pornography? Have we forgotten the power of our eyes and what they alone can accomplishes? What are your thoughts?


Song of Solomon 4:9 (ESV)

You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride;

you have stolen my heart

with one glance of your eyes,

with one jewel of your necklace.


(Found the verse and was like, I must share...)


Proverbs 11:22 (NIV)

Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.


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About TJ >

I founded Lavelle Publishing in 1997 with the release of my first poetry book, The Desires of A Woman: Poems Celebrating Womanhood. I was 26 years old. I published my second book Sorority Sisters in 1998. Sorority Sisters was picked up by Villard Books, a division of Random House and rereleased in 2000. Over 80,000 copies have been sold. So much has happened in my life since the release of my first books. I am thankful for the twist and turns that has been my journey. My life lessons have made me wiser, more grounded and more secure in who I am. One thing that I have realized is that not only do I love to write, but I like to express my writing through different genres. As you explore my site, you will see what I mean.

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E: connect@tjbutler.com

© 2017 by Tajuana TJ Butler-Jackson